Being one of the digital cogs in the Estèe Lauder online machine, I managed to score some products. As our little relationship was nearing to an end, they provided some parting gifts!
Coming home from a beach run I reread the instructions. The spray was pretty much self explanatory printing nothing but ingredients. Further investigation reveals that the spray, like Viagra, comes from the wood family of fragrances. The hydrator details how rubbing it into your body is a seductive way to smell like Tom Ford. Whilst softening and soothing your skin.
After removing what was left of the beach in the shower I cracked open the hydrator. Squeezing the tube I resisted the urge to a discharge a typical sunscreen portion. Smelling like Tom Ford on a quite Monday night didn't seem all that desirable.
Rubbing it into my chest I felt like a knob. Rubbing it into my face I felt like an even bigger knob. This was going well good. Rubbing it into my arms actually was okay. It was the only place my nose could reach to smell Tom Ford (kind of like the Nautica cologne I got for my 18th). As for my skin, it's still burnt from the weekend.
Now for the wood infused spray. It looks like something a gold chain wearing pimp would have in his overnight bag. The label and the nozzle are gold. Same for the fragrance in an urine kind of way. After not having a shave I applied the spray. Of course in the same way every kid who has seen his dad apply after shave or cologne: quickly. Quickly because if its going to sting, let it hit all at once. Three sprays around the neck. If your pumping out more then five your wasting it. As well as openly advertising yourself to mosquitoes.
So now that my arms smell like Tom Ford and my neck like my dad I wonder what is next. I only get this stuff as gifts and rarely use them to the end. For the next couple of mornings I'll dig deep and use this stuff again. In all honesty these products are only going to be used when going to social events and BDSM classes.
Now only if I can get Holden to show some love as well...